Date Rape Is Real Rape
by Marcella Chester, advocate and author
Bio
Marcella Chester
Survivor of date rape at age 15 who tried to reach out after being raped twice by her boyfriend. The common belief that only strangers committed rape made her afraid to say "I was raped," and when she tried to reach out for help, her distress was misunderstood by a variety of people, including professionals, who knew less about date rape than she did.
Her rapist never apologized and for several years tried to get her to resume their relationship with no apparent understanding of why a girl who had once loved him would rather die than be alone with him again.
Like many rape survivors who have no resources to help them find healthy ways to deal with post-rape distress, Ms. Chester tried to cope through avoidance and anger. This brought new dangers such as alcohol poisoning at age 16 which could have been fatal if 2 caring bystanders hadn't rushed her to the ER.
She remained silent about her rape and the aftermath for 20 years until the backlash from the Mike Tyson trial made silence painful.
Unable to find the words to counter those dangerous attitudes about date rape, Ms. Chester decided that she needed to find another way to help people understand the reality of date rape from a victim's limited perspective. She found that way by writing the autobiographical novel Cherry Love which captures the dynamics of her life -- mistakes and all -- before, during and after date rape.
After the completion of Cherry Love and before its publication, Ms. Chester attended a Rochester, Minnesota Take Back The Night Rally and learned that her local rape crisis line needed volunteers. Upon completion of 40 hours of training, which at times seemed too triggering to bear, she began volunteering for Olmsted County Victim Services, answering their rape crisis line and providing support to victims of sexual violence as they reported to law enforcement or had a rape forensic exam.
Because Ms. Chester still didn't know how to talk about her experience of being date raped, she tried to talk about the truth of her novel, Cherry Love, upon it's publication without revealing that the novel came from her own rape. But trying to express that the novel accurately captures rape without disclosing how you know it is accurate is an impossible task. The truth leaked out through a reluctant response to a blunt question from a reporter.
Her identity as a rape survivor was revealed openly for the first time through a headline in the Rochester Post Bulletin newspaper.
New author writes about date rape from experience
Rather than being pelted with hostile questions, Ms. Chester heard repeatedly from other women, "Me too." Hearing so many elements of her own rape and the excuses given by date rapists from other women made Ms. Chester realize for the first time that date rape wasn't simply a matter of individual interactions gone wrong.
While volunteering for the local rape crisis line, Ms. Chester signed up for every educational opportunity she could in order to learn more about all aspects of sexual violence and the response to sexual violence.
When after over 9 years volunteering for the Olmsted County Rape Crisis Line, Ms. Chester could no longer schedule several 9 or 15 hour shifts each month, she created the anti-rape blog, Abyss2hope because she knew she couldn't look back at the years where she volunteered hundreds of hours of her time and say it was enough.
Dealing with incidents of rape wasn't enough. She had to go after its heart and its legs.
Because she wasn't the only blogger with this idea, she founded the Carnival Against Sexual Violence which is a semi-monthly collection of blog posts related to sexual violence, including laws, media and personal experiences.
After more than 2 years of blogging, Ms. Chester created the Date Rape Is Real Rape website as a resource for other date rape survivors and those who care about them.
Ms. Chester continues to raise awareness about date rape while working to change laws and the acceptance of dangerous attitudes which allow so many rapists to escape justice while telling themselves they did nothing wrong -- or nothing seriously wrong.
One area Ms. Chester is focusing on is the elimination of the statute of limitations for all rapes whether DNA evidence exists or not. As long as some rapes are treated like crimes that don't matter after a few years, most rapists will continue to feel like they have the right to call themselves good people who at most made a mistake.
Survivor of date rape at age 15 who tried to reach out after being raped twice by her boyfriend. The common belief that only strangers committed rape made her afraid to say "I was raped," and when she tried to reach out for help, her distress was misunderstood by a variety of people, including professionals, who knew less about date rape than she did.
Her rapist never apologized and for several years tried to get her to resume their relationship with no apparent understanding of why a girl who had once loved him would rather die than be alone with him again.
Like many rape survivors who have no resources to help them find healthy ways to deal with post-rape distress, Ms. Chester tried to cope through avoidance and anger. This brought new dangers such as alcohol poisoning at age 16 which could have been fatal if 2 caring bystanders hadn't rushed her to the ER.
She remained silent about her rape and the aftermath for 20 years until the backlash from the Mike Tyson trial made silence painful.
Unable to find the words to counter those dangerous attitudes about date rape, Ms. Chester decided that she needed to find another way to help people understand the reality of date rape from a victim's limited perspective. She found that way by writing the autobiographical novel Cherry Love which captures the dynamics of her life -- mistakes and all -- before, during and after date rape.
After the completion of Cherry Love and before its publication, Ms. Chester attended a Rochester, Minnesota Take Back The Night Rally and learned that her local rape crisis line needed volunteers. Upon completion of 40 hours of training, which at times seemed too triggering to bear, she began volunteering for Olmsted County Victim Services, answering their rape crisis line and providing support to victims of sexual violence as they reported to law enforcement or had a rape forensic exam.
Because Ms. Chester still didn't know how to talk about her experience of being date raped, she tried to talk about the truth of her novel, Cherry Love, upon it's publication without revealing that the novel came from her own rape. But trying to express that the novel accurately captures rape without disclosing how you know it is accurate is an impossible task. The truth leaked out through a reluctant response to a blunt question from a reporter.
Her identity as a rape survivor was revealed openly for the first time through a headline in the Rochester Post Bulletin newspaper.
New author writes about date rape from experience
Rather than being pelted with hostile questions, Ms. Chester heard repeatedly from other women, "Me too." Hearing so many elements of her own rape and the excuses given by date rapists from other women made Ms. Chester realize for the first time that date rape wasn't simply a matter of individual interactions gone wrong.
While volunteering for the local rape crisis line, Ms. Chester signed up for every educational opportunity she could in order to learn more about all aspects of sexual violence and the response to sexual violence.
When after over 9 years volunteering for the Olmsted County Rape Crisis Line, Ms. Chester could no longer schedule several 9 or 15 hour shifts each month, she created the anti-rape blog, Abyss2hope because she knew she couldn't look back at the years where she volunteered hundreds of hours of her time and say it was enough.
Dealing with incidents of rape wasn't enough. She had to go after its heart and its legs.
Because she wasn't the only blogger with this idea, she founded the Carnival Against Sexual Violence which is a semi-monthly collection of blog posts related to sexual violence, including laws, media and personal experiences.
After more than 2 years of blogging, Ms. Chester created the Date Rape Is Real Rape website as a resource for other date rape survivors and those who care about them.
Ms. Chester continues to raise awareness about date rape while working to change laws and the acceptance of dangerous attitudes which allow so many rapists to escape justice while telling themselves they did nothing wrong -- or nothing seriously wrong.
One area Ms. Chester is focusing on is the elimination of the statute of limitations for all rapes whether DNA evidence exists or not. As long as some rapes are treated like crimes that don't matter after a few years, most rapists will continue to feel like they have the right to call themselves good people who at most made a mistake.
